If you guys didn't already know, then this blog is a project for my university degree. But it cannot be a blog, it has to be a website.
For the next couple of weeks, instead of focusing on content, I will be focusing on creating the website and its features. I will update you with the BFI review next week and maybe a couple of new releases but unfortunately, I will be away from writing whilst I do some designing.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience on the 15 people who read this :P
Take care guys and I'll see you with a properly working website.
Its yet again another week of repeats this week as both Real Steel and Johnny English manage to stick to their top spots respectively. In America, Real Steel clings on with the "you're boyfriend will love this for the fighting and father son relationship" movie making $16.3 million whilst shocking remakes Footloose and The Thing come limping in disappointingly (or rightfully so) at 2nd and 3rd place.
Over where we live Mr Bean's A Spy otherwise known as Johnny English saves itself from tumbling down the box office charts and fighting off The Three Muskateers to secure top spot taking £3.1 million. TTM, with their near perfect hair for the 18th century, came in third whilst The Lion King, (boo yah) still sits in second.
All this just makes me worry about the state of people going to the cinema. I mean really, these two films have a second week on the top of the box office and the brilliant Drive only came in 7th?
Anyone else feeling the stuffy cold of winter? Blocked noses, sore throats and headaches? It is truly a bitter season. So what better excuse to fill the warm seat of cinema and stuff ourselves with warm popcorn and nachos? We are but animals who need to stuff for winter after all. And in the fest, what movies could be background noise? And if you look at the movies this week, that is probably the best explanation for them.
Real Steel
Based on a children's toy called Rock Em, Sock Em, Real Steel is set in the near future where robot boxing has become the top sport. Struggling promoter Charlie finds a discarded robot and attempt to train him to become a champion. During the rise to the top Charlie discovers he has a son Max who is desperate to know about his father. As the new robot Atom battles, can they win the matches and the hearts of the public?
Staring Hugh Jackman, Real Steel, and I tell no lie, is basically Rocky but with Robots. The men in your life will probably love it.
Dolphin Tale
Based on a true story and full of so much sugary sickness that even the poster is vomit inducing.
I mean seriously. Anyway, Dolphin Tale is about the relationship between a boy and a dolphin. A lonely and friendless boy discovers a dolphin trapped inside a crab trap and releases him but was unable to save its tail. The boy becoming, obviously, attached to the dolphin believes it can swim with a prosthetic tale. Guess the ending, wipe the tears.
It's the skinny Free Willy and it's true. The kids are going to love it but I'd bring some tissues. You know to clean up the vomit of too much love and happiness.
Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty is an Australian erotic drama. That's all you need to know.
Oh you want to know more? It's an erotic drama, that's acceptable porn! Ok, ok. There isn't much to go on. Lucy (which by the way is played by the girl from Ghost Ship. It makes the film that little bit more uncomfortable) is a shy student who starts University and finds herself deep in the world of passion, love, beauty and desire.
The other two films out this week are The Three Musketeers and Footloose. Both of them are remakes and I don't particularly want to describe them because you should know them. From the originals.
Well well well, I felt ridiculously guilty about my previous post that despite downing my fifteenth lemsip and surround by a pile of tissues, I thought that I might as well write about the movie news that have hit my ears over the past 7 - 8 days. And I have a funny feeling one of these tid-bits for you may be the reason why I am ill. Have a guess which one it is.
Good News:
It's BFI time! and the film 360 kicks starts an exciting month of brand new cinema. I've been smart and booked tickets for some of them so I can give you only the best of reviews in the only way I see fit (dry and sarcastic, of course)As well as movies, the BFI is a host to interviews and of course a bunch of wonderful awards. Of the stars who arrived on the red carpet were stars of the movie Anthony Hopkins and Jude Law as well Tom Hiddleston and Terry Gilliam. The BFI London Film Festival carries on til the 26th of October and you can catch 360 in cinemas next year as it tells the story of relationships and loves throughout the course of different countries.
I re-watched The Dark Knight the other day and there is some stellar acting in it. No, that's not the news (if I had it my way though, it would be. every day,) but its a segue as I am lamenting one of this generations more underrated actors; Aaron Eckhart. But luckily, he has signed on to play the creature in Steven Beatties I, Frankenstein. A long with five other movies in production on the Mary Shelley story, this one is set to be different from the rest as it focuses on the creature and his part in a battle between two immortal gangs. It is an unique spin that will hopefully set it apart. It does mean, though, we get to once again see Eckharts luscious locks go under makeup again which is a shame because he is one rinse away from being the poster boy for L'Oreal.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE WOOOORTTTH IT!"
Finally in the good news the 80's teen hero John Cussack has all grown up and is playing Amercia's favourite demented writer (I say America because we have loads more crazy assed writers) Edgar Allen Poe in The Raven and the trailer has just hit online. And trust me, it looks goooooood. The Raven revolves around a series of murders based on the horror stories Poe had created (The Pit And The Pendulum, The Tale Tell Heart etc.) The writer is called in firstly under suspicion but soon becomes help to the detective Emmett Fields (the most American classic name ever, seriously Emmett?) It looks like its full of twists and possible historical inaccuracies (like oodles of them from what I gather of the trailer) but nonetheless it looks ace. Check out the trailer)
Bad News
Don't get me wrong, I love Rob Zombies work but that's because somewhere inside me there is a sick and twisted 14 year old goth that I used to be. So I secretly love House of 1000 Corpses despite its disturbing horror porn connotations. However, since bastardizing the Halloween classics with *shudder* remakes, Zombie is a name spoken with venom in my house. There's a lot of money going into the Zombie jar this week as he casts for his new movie Lord Of Salem. The premise involves ressurected Salem witches and haunted records that don't sound like an really bad 80's horror movie at all. On the career death list are Billy Drago, Meg Foster and Ernest Thomas so Zombie is hitting it with all the A-Listers. Oops looks like I out did my sarcasm quota for today.
The Human Centipede 2 now or as I like to call it "The most unnecessary film that is there merely to offend because Tom Sixx is a sick individual and I can't believe there is a part 2. Part 2." And The BBFC have given in to its demands giving it an 18 certificate. Of course, a lot of editing had to be done (which means the film will probably be title, screaming and then credits and thus better than anything originally planned) After cutting around 2 minutes and 32 seconds the film will be released over in the UK. And will no doubt be passed around illegally through 13 year old boys. I am honestly damn disappointed about this. To cheer me and you up;
THE KITTEN CUTEAPEID!
And finally, perhaps the most shocking news to feature on the bad news; The Avengers. I've been harping about this movie for a while and finally a trailer hits. And it's shockingly disappointing. I get that the premise is an amalgamation of all our favourite heroes (forgetting that they have forgotten about the X-Men in this) but The Avengers trailers seems too much like the same as any other trailer they have released for Superhero movies. I'm not going to lie, I may have wet my pants out of excitement of seeing it the first time but the second time I see all its faults. An evil super villain voice over? Check. Explosions? Check. Not introducing important characters? Check. Relying on the comedic relief of everyones favourite? Check. Samuel L Jackson being badass? Check. It seems too much like Iron Man 3 at the moment rather than The Avengers. The film is going to be great, I know, but there isn't much hope after seeing this. Maybe closer to the time they can do better than this piece of trailer crap they have done. Check it out.
Epic apologises to you all, the handful of people who read this blog. I am currently ridiculously ill and am struggling to get all my work that I have backed up done. I know I have been lax on this blog for a couple of weeks and I am sorry about that. Having just entered my third year of university and finding a bit more complication in my life, I am trying to find a balance to do this blog, work and pass my degree. Don't worry. I am not quitting, I am gathering resources and soon I'll be back to writing articles, reviews and more.
On that note though, Film News Round Up may be postponed til tomorrow or next week. This is because of me being ill. Unless I kick myself up the jacksy and you'll get it later tonight.
They really do clutch at straws, movie makers don't they? Since Transformers fell of its track (after five minutes of the first movie I might add) we have been looking for something to replace it. Enter the Transformers younger cousin Real Steel, a movie based on, I kid you not, the Rock Em Sock Em battle bots. And it is taking America by storm fighting its way to top of the box office. It earned a whopping £27.3million edging the ever adorable Dolphin Tale into third with George Clooney's political drama (thrilling) The Ides of March coming in second.
Over in the UK, we aren't that better as English comedy Johnny English Reborn is our number one film. Eight years after the first film release, we get to see the hapless secret agent bumble its way to the top accumulating £4.97 million. That's nearly double The Lion King re-release that came in second with £2.7 million.
It's disappointing England. We can do so much better. What comes out this week?
Brrrrrrrrr. It is rather chilly. Our Indian Summer has gone and now we are stuck with wooly hats, scarfs and gloves trying to snuggle to stay warm. Well, it's not all bad. It means that it is socially acceptable to go see a movie without being stared at for not enjoying the sunshine. Joys, we can be movie geeks in peace. And sure enough there are just enough films to keep you out of the bitter cold.
The Lion King
I know what you are thinking and yes you would be right in noting that The Lion King came out years ago. 1994 to be exact. How old do you feel now? But with the release of the DVD coming soon, Disney decided to get it's chops into release their classics in 3D. The Lion King is just the start. Now if I have to tell you the plot about The Lion King, I'm going to assume you are really young and in that case you probably wont be reading this anyway. Huh. Either that or you have a deprived childhood.The Lion King is Hamlet for those without attention span as Simba, the lion, has to overcome his treacherous uncle to assume the throne that is rightfully his.
With hilarious sidekick friends and the best bunch of songs to keep you singing away, The Lion King has already top US charts and it looks to do the same over here. Go on, be a child again.
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is a fairytale gone wrong. Sally, a young girl, has just been carted off to live with her dad and stepmom in an old mansion they are renovating. Clearly this girl hasn't seen horror movies as that already spells disaster and sure enough Sally finds herself the victim of creatures set upon taking her for her own. Of course, her parents don't believe the spooky goings on and it is up to Sally to defend herself before it is too late and she is lost forever.
With great graphics and terrifying monsters, Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is one to keep you up at night. You can read the review here
Johnny English Reborn.
Rowan Atkinson is a legend who gave us the brilliant annoying Mr Bean, the wonderful Black Adder and voiced Zazu in The Lion King. His sketches were always fantastic and recently he has delighted as Fagin in the West End Production of Olivier. So, it is with that, that I can only assume he has squandered all his earned or been out of the acting game for an amount of time because this is this years most unnecessary movie. Johnny English is a bumbling secret agent who accidentally in the previous film uncovered a murderous plot against the queen and England. This time he goes international against assassins to find the Chinese premier.
A film for the family and it will keep the children entertained because lets face it, they are one step away from being idiots anyway.
But if you choose to take them to this over The Lion King than you are an idiot too.
We all had that story when we were younger; we saw something out of this world. Whether it be a ghost, a creature or something creepy we all sensed that we aren't alone on this planet. Yet when we open our voices and told everyone we knew about it we were shot down like a crazy person. Sure, we weren't tin hatted yet but it made us paranoid and unable to sleep without all lights a blazing. Programs such as Goosebumps and the aptly named for this review Are You Afraid Of The Dark? played on that fear of ghouls and goblins so much so that after school programmes were just as terrifying as the movies are parents banned us from watching. No, not those types of movies you dirty people. Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is a film that takes us back to that childhood fear; that something was stalking us but no one believed us.
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark centers around 8 year old Sally who is sent away by her mother to live with her dad and new step mother Kim. Of course, her father doesn't live in a normal penthouse flat with maximum security and no history of Indian graveyards; they live in an old mansion that they are renovating to sell. The same house we saw plague the old inhabitant before. Sally soon discovers that there are other things in the house, other things that creep around in the shadows. Intrigued by the creatures Sally wants nothing more than to befriend them with all the childhood innocent she has. The creatures on the other hand want her and nothing else. Soon, Sally realises that her life is at stake. But will anyone believe her that monsters want to take her away? Will she survive the night or be victim to them?
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is by Guillermo Del Torro who gave us such creepy outings as Pan's Labyrinth and L'Orphanage both with children at the centre of the horrifying fantasy. While the original film (yes, its a remake) had Sally as woman, Del Torro decided to keep her young and boy the change pays off. Young Baliee Madison gives a wonderful performance as the tormented Sally. She manages to convey a series of emotions such as curiosity, fear and innocence that an adult could never do. Playing a long side good actors, she holds her own as the pivotal story plot and she is spell binding to watch in the role because she never falters from her character who can be completely bratty but you root for her anyway. And the creatures who plague her are terrifying enough to make this horror story downright scary. The scurry around like deformed mice who whisper and torture the poor girl into taking her away. The graphics and pictures of them are downright spooky and will haunt you every time you hear a scuffle in your house.
It's not all great though and unfortunately the adults within the movie cannot hold their own in the film. Katie Holmes and Guy Pearce are wooden and unemotional as the concerned parents and seem more bothered about their appearance on the movie than actual portraying any kind of solid character. Which is as much the fault of the writing too. There isn't enough in the movie to give any bond between the family and the build up around Sally and the creatures is weak, ending in a climax that is over far before it began. Instead of being scared as we were in the beginning, as the story unfolds the excitement fades and becomes less tense and more tedious. Even with the last second twist at the end, there isn't anything to care about and it mirrors cliched over done monster movies. Also, the creatures looks are shown way too early in the movie so whilst they may be terrifying to look at and beyond creepy, we see them far too often for that fear to set in throughout.
Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark works on some levels; it has wonderful detail and is visually stunning to look at from the house to the decrepit basement. Yet we know what is going to happen early on and we know who does it; there isn't much too carry on in the film. It is far shorter than expected and it is a detriment to the movie. Mixed that with placid and dull performances from the older generation and a film that has the potential to keep you up at night becomes almost a snooze fest. Saying that, I'll be sleeping with the light on tonight. You know, just to be sure.
So here is the second half of the Film News Round Up but its the scary half. The bad bad bad why must you torture me half that can't be read with the lights off. You'll be having Twilight nightmares for the rest of your life.
Bad News
In similar vein to Thomas Harris writing that book and film which shall not be named, Stephen King has decided to resurrect the blinding book The Shining and create a sequel. Ok so it's not really to do with movies but no doubt Hollywood are drooling at the possibility to make it (I'm mean, look how quickly the release of THAT book got made into THAT film.) After thirty years since the original, how is it going to appeal to a younger more hip audience? That's right, vampires. Goddamn vampires. Yet another reason why you should hate Twilight. The Shining was a phenomenon that capture the fear in the hearts of everyone. Vampires, nowadays, are sparkly. Gives a whole new meaning to The Shining.
On the similar note and just because you know how much I like to rip apart plans for sequels but Owen Wilson has talked about a Zoolander 2 movie. This has already been spoken about by Ben Stiller but now more details have emerged about the...sigh... sequel. It is to be set ten years into the future and apparently Hansel has lost all his looks in a disfiguring accident (insert Owen Wilson joke here.) Don't get me wrong, I fricken love Zoolander but has the time passed for a sequel. Are they just flogging any old shite from Hollywood? Yes, please see Final Destination 5 for more details.
And finally Mortal Kombat. The so bad it's good game turned movie is getting a reboot and I am thrilled. Thrilled because I have more stuff to write about in a witty scathing way. No doubt the new Mortal Kombat will be taken as serious as the ridiculous Fast Furious 5 (that is that it takes it self too serious) and will drive away from the rubbish that made Mortal Kombat kind of legendary. That said a serious of shorts and trailers have hit our screens and the web series were a big hit. Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am skeptical and it could really turn out well.
Well hello,guys and a dolls, you're such a crazy bunch of guys and dolls (jazz hands.) How are we doing today? It's been a whole week since I last commented on the lunatic ravings of Hollywood. As I have something slap bang in the middle of today I have split up the good news and bad news just for today. So you get to enjoy the best without knowing the worst is just a scroll away. Well, at least before tonight anyway.
Good News
The BFI London Film Festival is heading it's way to our little country and there are a lot of good films and events to watch including an interview with Seth Rogen and a guest host of Anthony Hopkins (squeal.) The BFI also gives a fellowship to any lucky actor and this year it is Ralph Fiennes. Everyone's favourite villain actor (because he does not work as a good guy, I'm looking at you Maid in Manhatten) is to be awarded the prize after his long career of acting, directing and writing. There are also lots of other awards too. Now, if you don't know who Fiennes is (which should be a penalty with some jail time attached to it) he has stared in little films such as oh I don't know Clash of the Titans, Red Dragon, The English Patient and this really indie fantasy film called Harry Freaking Potter.
One of the most highly anticipated movie of 2012 (including Batman and Spider-man, next year is year of the geek I'm telling you,) The Avengers released the portrait shots of it's six main characters. These range from the super hot looking Black Widow (although after seeing her naked pictures, I think she is over dressed) to the fish-out-of-water-holy-crap I'm in the future Captain America, we get to see a side to the heroes that we hadn't seen before. And judging by the following Bruce Banner picture, instead of turning into a menacing green monster character he instead turns into the head of an all gay cabaret in Soho. A bit like Louie Spence. I'm being completely serious.
Don't make him sassy, you won't like him when he's sassy. Here are the other pictures of our tag team of win super heroes (which is a better name than the Avengers.)
Finally, since the highly successful re-release of The Lion King (and the amount of childhood trauma relived when Mufassa dies) Disney has put forth plans to re-release a whole bunch of classic in the cinema. Someone is cashing in. Movies such as Finding Nemo, The Little Mermaid and Beauty and The Beast have all got plans to be remastered in 3D and shown across the country again. Now, this is either a very good or very stupid idea. I for one don't care. It just gives me a good excuse to watch the films again and write reviews on them as though I've gone into the past. Disney completes me.
The Bad News will be up after midnight (insert evil laugh)
The power of schmaltz is so strong over the US that we could stop all this arguing with lovable kittens and puppies as long as it is based on a true story. So that is why ridiculously sweet "based on a true story" Dolphin Tale has swum to top spot battling The Lion King to third in the food chain. Dolphin Tale has made $14 million over the past weekend and stars Harry Connick Jnr and Winter The Dolphin. Do you want to know more? Its about a Dolphin......its like a slimmer version of Free Willy.
Wow there are a lot of movies that have arrived this week and a lot look amazing whilst the odd one looks down right stupid (I'm looking at you Whats Your Number?). That is how generous I am feeling today. Mind you though, it may be because I have had a hectic week and I haven't written a lot for you guys as I am still trying to juggle many balls. (Oo er.)
Melancholia
Lars Von Trier. He is a weird one. He directs visually stunning work but is a prick. I almost hate him for being the director of my favourite film of all time. There is always controversy surrounding him but that shouldn't mare what critics are calling a stunning beautiful movie. Melancholia starring Kirsten Dunst is about the already strained relationship between sisters Claire and Justine. Justine is getting married but she has crippling depression. Unfortunately, a planet is had straight towards earth (as it does on regular occasions) and the family must figure out their lives before they end.
A already five out of five rated film and is one of the best of the years. Just, I wouldn't take a date with you, seriously deep stuff and you may be sat in the restaurant afterwards staring at one another pondering life's existence. Good luck!
The Debt
The Debt follows three retired espionage veterans as Rachel (Helen Mirren) gets shocking news about their collegue and soon the past is playing catch up. In the late sixties they embarked on a mission to kill war criminal Fogel (not Fogel from Super Bad although that cross over would be immense.) But the mission is wrapped in secret. Did they complete it? Or didn't they? As the truth becomes more uncovered, their relationship is strained; who can they trust?
It's heart racing and wonderfully acted. It also stars piece of meat Sam Worthington. Just remember that other spy film Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is out too.... Still out, still number one in the box office.
Red State
The Southern States of America (which was almost their own country) don't have the best of reputations. After inbreds and freaks in films such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, rednecks aren't the most intellegent of folk on screen. And Red State isn't doing them much favours. The film focuses on a group of three teenagers who respond to an offer of sex online. Unfortunately, it is a ruse and they are trapped by religious fundamentalist who want to repent their sins.
Directed by Kevin Smith and staring Melissa Leo and John Goodman its a scary look into the dark places of religion.
Other films out this week is action film Abduction about a seemingly normal teen Taylor Launter (or as I like to call him Sexy McBuffpants) who finds out his parents aren't what they seem. There is romantic comedy Whats Your Number? about a girl who goes back to find out if any of exes are the one and the ridiculous Shark Night 3D.
