07/10/2011

Review: Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark



We all had that story when we were younger; we saw something out of this world. Whether it be a ghost, a creature or something creepy we all sensed that we aren't alone on this planet. Yet when we open our voices and told everyone we knew about it we were shot down like a crazy person. Sure, we weren't tin hatted yet but it made us paranoid and unable to sleep without all lights a blazing. Programs such as Goosebumps and the aptly named for this review Are You Afraid Of The Dark? played on that fear of ghouls and goblins so much so that after school programmes were just as terrifying as the movies are parents banned us from watching. No, not those types of movies you dirty people. Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is a film that takes us back to that childhood fear; that something was stalking us but no one believed us.

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark centers around 8 year old Sally who is sent away by her mother to live with her dad and new step mother Kim. Of course, her father doesn't live in a normal penthouse flat with maximum security and no history of Indian graveyards; they live in an old mansion that they are renovating to sell. The same house we saw plague the old inhabitant before. Sally soon discovers that there are other things in the house, other things that creep around in the shadows. Intrigued by the creatures Sally wants nothing more than to befriend them with all the childhood innocent she has. The creatures on the other hand want her and nothing else. Soon, Sally realises that her life is at stake. But will anyone believe her that monsters want to take her away? Will she survive the night or be victim to them?


Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark is by Guillermo Del Torro who gave us such creepy outings as Pan's Labyrinth and L'Orphanage both with children at the centre of the horrifying fantasy. While the original film (yes, its a remake) had Sally as woman, Del Torro decided to keep her young and boy the change pays off. Young Baliee Madison gives a wonderful performance as the tormented Sally. She manages to convey a series of emotions such as curiosity, fear and innocence that an adult could never do. Playing a long side good actors, she holds her own as the pivotal story plot and she is spell binding to watch in the role because she never falters from her character who can be completely bratty but you root for her anyway. And the creatures who plague her are terrifying enough to make this horror story downright scary. The scurry around like deformed mice who whisper and torture the poor girl into taking her away. The graphics and pictures of them are downright spooky and will haunt you every time you hear a scuffle in your house.



It's not all great though and unfortunately the adults within the movie cannot hold  their own in the film. Katie Holmes and Guy Pearce are wooden and unemotional as the concerned parents and seem more bothered about their appearance on the movie than actual portraying any kind of solid character. Which is as much the fault of the writing too. There isn't enough in the movie to give any bond between the family and the build up around Sally and the creatures is weak, ending in a climax that is over far before it began. Instead of being scared as we were in the beginning, as the story unfolds the excitement fades and becomes less tense and more tedious. Even with the last second twist at the end, there isn't anything to care about and it mirrors cliched over done monster movies. Also, the creatures looks are shown way too early in the movie so whilst they may be terrifying to look at and beyond creepy, we see them far too often for that fear to set in throughout.



Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark works on some levels; it has wonderful detail and is visually stunning to look at from the house to the decrepit basement. Yet we know what is going to happen early on and we know who does it; there isn't much too carry on in the film. It is far shorter than expected and it is a detriment to the movie. Mixed that with placid and dull performances from the older generation and a film that has the potential to keep you up at night becomes almost a snooze fest. Saying that, I'll be sleeping with the light on tonight. You know, just to be sure.

2.5/5

TTFN
Cookie

06/10/2011

Film News Round Up: 5th October Bad News

So here is the second half of the Film News Round Up but its the scary half. The bad bad bad  why must you torture me half that can't be read with the lights off. You'll be having Twilight nightmares for the rest of your life.

Bad News


In similar vein to Thomas Harris writing that book and film which shall not be named, Stephen King has decided to resurrect the blinding book The Shining and create a sequel. Ok so it's not really to do with movies but no doubt Hollywood are drooling at the possibility to make it (I'm mean, look how quickly the release of THAT book got made into THAT film.) After thirty years since the original, how is it going to appeal to a younger more hip audience? That's right, vampires. Goddamn vampires. Yet another reason why you should hate Twilight. The Shining was a phenomenon that capture the fear in the hearts of everyone. Vampires, nowadays, are sparkly. Gives a whole new meaning to The Shining.


On the similar note and just because you know how much I like to rip apart plans for sequels but Owen Wilson has talked about a Zoolander 2 movie. This has already been spoken about by Ben Stiller but now more details have emerged about the...sigh... sequel. It is to be set ten years into the future and apparently Hansel has lost all his looks in a disfiguring accident (insert Owen Wilson joke here.) Don't get me wrong, I fricken love Zoolander but has the time passed for a sequel. Are they just flogging any old shite from Hollywood? Yes, please see Final Destination 5 for more details.



And finally Mortal Kombat. The so bad it's good game turned movie is getting a reboot and I am thrilled. Thrilled because I have more stuff to write about in a witty scathing way. No doubt the new Mortal Kombat will be taken as serious as the ridiculous Fast Furious 5 (that is that it takes it self too serious) and will drive away from the rubbish that made Mortal Kombat kind of legendary. That said a serious of shorts and trailers have hit our screens and the web series were a big hit. Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am skeptical and it could really turn out well.

Or maybe I have seen this.

 

Point, game, match.

TTFN.
Cookie

05/10/2011

Film News Round Up: 5th October Good News

Well hello,guys and a dolls, you're such a crazy bunch of guys and dolls (jazz hands.) How are we doing today? It's been a whole week since I last commented on the lunatic ravings of Hollywood. As I have something slap bang in the middle of today I have split up the good news and bad news just for today. So you get to enjoy the best without knowing the worst is just a scroll away. Well, at least before tonight anyway.

Good News


The BFI London Film Festival is heading it's way to our little country and there are a lot of good films and events to watch including an interview with Seth Rogen and a guest host of Anthony Hopkins (squeal.) The BFI also gives a fellowship to any lucky actor and this year it is Ralph Fiennes. Everyone's favourite villain actor (because he does not work as a good guy, I'm looking at you Maid in Manhatten) is to be awarded the prize after his long career of acting, directing and writing. There are also lots of other awards too. Now, if you don't know who Fiennes is (which should be a penalty with some jail time attached to it) he has stared in little films such as oh I don't know Clash of the Titans, Red Dragon, The English Patient and this really indie fantasy film called Harry Freaking Potter.


One of the most highly anticipated movie of 2012 (including Batman and Spider-man, next year is year of the geek I'm telling you,) The Avengers released the portrait shots of it's six main characters. These range from the super hot looking Black Widow (although after seeing her naked pictures, I think she is over dressed) to the fish-out-of-water-holy-crap I'm in the future Captain America, we get to see a side to the heroes that we hadn't seen before. And judging by the following Bruce Banner picture, instead of turning into a menacing green monster character he instead turns into the head of an all gay cabaret in Soho. A bit like Louie Spence. I'm being completely serious.


Don't make him sassy, you won't like him when he's sassy. Here are the other pictures of our tag team of win super heroes (which is a better name than the Avengers.) 






Finally, since the highly successful re-release of The Lion King (and the amount of childhood trauma relived when Mufassa dies) Disney has put forth plans to re-release a whole bunch of classic in the cinema. Someone is cashing in. Movies such as Finding Nemo, The Little Mermaid and Beauty and The Beast have all got plans to be remastered in 3D and shown across the country again. Now, this is either a very good or very stupid idea. I for one don't care. It just gives me a good excuse to watch the films again and write reviews on them as though I've gone into the past. Disney completes me.


The Bad News will be up after midnight (insert evil laugh)

TTFN
Cookie

04/10/2011

Box Office News

The power of schmaltz is so strong over the US that we could stop all this arguing with lovable kittens and puppies as long as it is based on a true story. So that is why ridiculously sweet "based on a true story" Dolphin Tale has swum to top spot battling The Lion King to third in the food chain. Dolphin Tale has made $14 million over the past weekend and stars Harry Connick Jnr and Winter The Dolphin. Do you want to know more? Its about a Dolphin......its like a slimmer version of Free Willy. 


Naaawwwwwwww
UK News to come. 

TTFN
Cookie


01/10/2011

Films To Go See This Week

Wow there are a lot of movies that have arrived this week and a lot look amazing whilst the odd one looks down right stupid (I'm looking at you Whats Your Number?). That is how generous I am feeling today. Mind you though, it may be because I have had a hectic week and I haven't written a lot for you guys as I am still trying to juggle many balls. (Oo er.)

Melancholia


Lars Von Trier. He is a weird one. He directs visually stunning work but is a prick. I almost hate him for being the director of my favourite film of all time. There is always controversy surrounding him but that shouldn't mare what critics are calling a stunning beautiful movie. Melancholia starring Kirsten Dunst is about the already strained relationship between sisters Claire and Justine. Justine is getting married but she has crippling depression. Unfortunately, a planet is had straight towards earth (as it does on regular occasions) and the family must figure out their lives before they end.

A already five out of five rated film and is one of the best of the years. Just, I wouldn't take a date with you, seriously deep stuff and you may be sat in the restaurant afterwards staring at one another pondering life's existence. Good luck!


The Debt


The Debt follows three retired espionage veterans as Rachel (Helen Mirren) gets shocking news about their collegue and soon the past is playing catch up. In the late sixties they embarked on a mission to kill war criminal Fogel (not Fogel from Super Bad although that cross over would be immense.) But the mission is wrapped in secret. Did they complete it? Or didn't they? As the truth becomes more uncovered, their relationship is strained; who can they trust?

It's heart racing and wonderfully acted. It also stars piece of meat Sam Worthington. Just remember that other spy film Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is out too.... Still out, still number one in the box office.


Red State


The Southern States of America (which was almost their own country) don't have the best of reputations. After inbreds and freaks in films such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, rednecks aren't the most intellegent of folk on screen. And Red State isn't doing them much favours. The film focuses on a group of three teenagers who respond to an offer of sex online. Unfortunately, it is a ruse and they are trapped by religious fundamentalist who want to repent their sins.

Directed by Kevin Smith and staring Melissa Leo and John Goodman its a scary look into the dark places of religion.


Other films out this week is action film Abduction about a seemingly normal teen Taylor Launter (or as I like to call him Sexy McBuffpants) who finds out his parents aren't what they seem. There is romantic comedy Whats Your Number? about a girl who goes back to find out if any of exes are the one and the ridiculous Shark Night 3D.

I think the title gives away the ridiculousness.

TTFN
Cookie



28/09/2011

Film News Round Up: 19 - 28th September

Oh dear, I've dropped the ball. This week installment is two days late so by the time I tell you some of the news you are going to roll your eyes at me and go "Yes Cookie, I know, keep up." I am but one woman. After all, I'm pretty sure you don't come to this post for ground breaking news and just for the witty banter. I'm like Dave. Anyway, there are certain news to give you that I believe is the best news and the worst around.

Good News.

I'll admit it right off the bat. I have a numerous amount of weird crushes on actors who I shouldn't have weird crushes on. Like Neil Flynn, his psychotic janitor on Scrubs just gets me all gooey. I don't know why. It's an illness. On that list of crushes is the creepy but brilliant actor Jackie Earle Haley from the latest A Nightmare On Elm Street infamy. So this is good news because he is in a new film and its a Spielberg movie! He will play Andrew Stephens; the vice president of the Confederate States and a bit of a git to American hero Lincoln during the abolishing of slavery. Damn, he really does get a raw deal does our Haley, doesn't he?


Talking about new Haley movies, he is in the Tim Burton take on television series Dark Shadows (you know the worldwide famous show...........yeah I haven't heard of it either.) Sure to be a creep fest the film is about a vampire who is dug up and attempts to reintegrate with his living descendants. It's a Tim Burton film so it stars Johnny Depp as the main character Barnabas Collins (Dammit, Barnabas was going to be the name of my first born child,) and Helen Boham Carter. But the film also stars Michelle Milf-ieffer, sorry, Pfieffer and the new pictures came online.


Yeah, I think that old guy at the back is Jackie Earle Haley. Yummers.


Oh my god. It's Noel Fielding. 

Well no, it's Johnny Depp but seriously separated at birth! 

Remember the brilliant Roald Dahl BFG book when you were a child? And the cartoon with David Jason as the voice and the incredibley terrifying mean Giants who eat children? Well, it's being tackled again and the kid within me just jumped for joy! It's going to be live action and it is written by ET writer Melissa Mathison so its sure going to be a family favourite. I am more than excited about this despite no actors or directors being assigned to it yet. Who doesn't want to see The Big Friendly Giant again? No, I thought so, you squealed too. The only problem is wheres my The Twits movie? That would be epic and great as a Tim Burton film. Get on it dude with Depp and Burton! 


So I have a secret, I secretly like Avatar. Its a bit like Glee, the storyline is rubbish but it is so pretty. So with the Pocahontas break big box office moolah, Disney have decide to cash in on this and plans are underway for an Avatar ride at the Animal Kingdom. Bob Iger (honestly, that name in my circles is Godlike.) Construction will go underway 2013 and will be based on sections of Pandora. I am very excited to see if they build a glow in the dark section. So so pretty. 

Bad News. 

The Human Centipede 2 is back waving its controversy around like that kooky weird girl who sleeps around with no shame. I have to say that I believe its the worst film ever made. Not because its classically bad or the acting is rubbish but because it is made to sicken and "entertain." I hate that with so much stories to tell a perverse tale made to shock people gets a sequel. Anyway, the new poster is just as bad with it screaming "Banned in the UK," which isn't technically true. It has been refused a certification but it isn't exactly banned but as that article mentions, the original was a disgusting horror movie but this one goes beyond that. It wont be shown over here though though. I've said before though, I wont show you anything to do with this film. 


Kittens!!!

Talking about kittens, new photos of Anne Hathaway's Catwoman hit the internet the other day and a lot are fairly disappointed. Probably because of the immense greatness of the original Catwoman's costumes whether it is the Julie Newmar or Pfieffer they have been sexy or cheesy. These new photos though show Hathaway's costume being very bland or non. We are all no doubt excited about The Dark Knight Rises but this may be the one thing that ruins the whole thing. Don't do it Nolan! At least give her some better ears. Or a tail!


We move on to the Wanted that film that was based on the graphic novel. When we say based, they striped away all the amazing parallel universe and super villain stuff and made it a basic action movie. So rubbish basically (and they had so much to work with.) Anyway, Wanted 2 is moving forward apparently with the writers back on board and excited about working on it. If you don't remember the first movie, it starred Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy and Morgan Freeman. That's all you need to know.


Finally the people at Universal are plotting something evil and in my head, it looks something like this;



This time its worse. You know that film that all the guys and the butch ladies go on about. No no, not The Godfather but Scarface. Yes, bosses over at Hollywood believe that the Italian drug lord baron that made Al Pacion news a fresher audience. There aren't calling it a re-make despite the fact that the original, was you know, a remake and it is interesting to see what take they put on it for the newer audience. Oh did I say interesting? I meant completely horrifying! So to combat this I can only do what I see fit. Hey, say hello to my little friends.


Awwwwwww

TTFN
Cookie

27/09/2011

Box Office News

Boo, I am sorry that Films News Round Up is late this week due to prior commitments but you'll get it tomorrow. I'll even add some extra shiznit for you beautiful eyes. Honestly though, it hasn't been majorly up or down this week.  The biggest news is what I am about to give you. Right. Now.



Well, you've heard it before but still I think it is ace that The Lion King re release has trumped the USA box office yet again. It fought off films such as baseball film Moneyball and amputee film Dolphin's Tale. Like a proud lioness stalks its prey (seriously? that was the best lion analogy I could come up with? Man, I'm tired.) The Lion King another $22 million to secure top spot. The re-release is supposedly only for two weeks but with it raking in an impressive $390 million, expect Disney to keep a hold of this one.



Over the pond, homemade British film with a hint of Swedish (like your mum dancing to Abba at your cousins wedding. You know the wedding....,) Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy took £2.1 million and was still top of the class (a-team) beating Crazy Stupid Love to second place. Warrior came in at third and Drive came in a less than impressive fifth. Boo on that. Mind you, you do get to see a semi naked Gosling and Emma Stone. I can't really blame you for that. Stone trumps all.

Yes, you heard me.

All.

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